An example of Mary-Sue: Aiko Kirei

Please note, that this is just an example of a classic Mary-Sue. I am not saying that if your OC has these traits, they are Mary-Sues. This is just a small example to keep in mind while creating an OC.

This is not an actual character. Apologies if I used a name the same as your OCs, please just ignore that :)

To help you out if you're a new writer or don't understand the way Mary-Sue works, I will write reasons why this is usually considered Mary-Sue-ing. The reasons will be written at the bottom of every sector and will be market {the reason here}

Kirei Aiko (きれい 葵子 meaning "beautiful lovechild").

Background

Kirei Aiko is a child of Uchiha Misa and Hyuga Chikamasa. Her parents have moved out of Konoha when her mother was pregnant and settled outsideof the village. When Kirei was 5, both of her parents were killed when someone came and attacked them at night. She was the only one left alive, because she defended herself using the mix of Sharingan and Byakugan. The murderer turned out to be someone with connections to the Akatsuki. Upon seeing her potential, he has informed the Akatsuki leader, who ordered the man to kidnap her. On the way, she has escaped and fled to Konoha, where she was taken into the local orphanage where she met Naruto and Sasuke whom she made friends with immidietely. She was hated as a child and everyone was quite scared of her, because of her Bloodline Limit. There have been several assassination attempts, but they all failed because she kept on killing the ANBU who came for her.

With time, Orochimaru heard of her skills. He ordered a group of ninjas to track her down and bring her to him. The only thing in the way was the Akatsuki, who were also after her, and the people of Konoha, who promissed to defend her at all costs.

{So far we have a  very popular background story... Yeah yeah, she's an orphan, she nearly died, everyone hates her, she's a sad little abandoned puppy... BUT! She makes friends with the canons. <- something is off,don't you think so? It's sort of making her a replacement of Sakura, or even looks like the creator is trying to make herinto the main character of the Naruto Series D:< So she's what, 7? 8? and she killed a bunch of ANBUs and some random guy who has connections with the Akatsuki. So by the time she'll be 15 she's goning to be Kage level? <-Booooooorrrriiiiing+ cliche. That just spoils the whole thing.

Now her parents. So... Hyuga and Uchiha mix? I have seen a couple of these, some were pretty impressive! So, nothing wrong with that as long as it's logical and not 'magical'. So if you plan on using this, maybe make it that she looses alot of chakra on it, or maybe it makes her normal vision worse? Perhaps she's better and one than the other? Or maybe she can have just one, and a bit of the other. So maybe she can use the Byakugan but can't use the other techniques, and instead of Sharingan she ca only use their jutsus? Anyway, they are both dead. Oh, how tragic! Well, if you have seen my OC, Yasashii Gokiburi, her father is dead and her mother is unknown. But she is brought up by her grandparents whom she loves and treats as parents, so this makes up, in my opinion.

And lastly... Why is everyone after her? The Akatsuki is after the Tailed Beasts, not little girls with magical skills. What, she's supposed to be a member? Ok, but this also needs to have a plot. So don't make it something like... "Itachi killed her parents but he fell in love with her so he took her to the Akatsuki because of her skill." <- that's a big no-no and Out Of Character acting (Itachi does't have much feelings, so I highly doubt he would just randomly fall in love. Of course, I have seen alot of wonderful storylines with really good ideas about relationships. So just because your OC is in love with an Akatsuki member and vice-versa, doesn't nescessairly make them a Mary-Sue.}

 

Personality

Aiko is usually under control, and she is quite confident when she needs to be. She always analises the situation and thinks before she does something. She can become extremely hyper sometimes. Quite charming, she is careful with her actions as she does not like attention that she gets. She doesn't get jealous and blows things off easily, making her universal to her situation.

{Always under control, she always knows what to do, she becomes hyper, she gets attention, she doesn't get jealous, she understands everyone, Sasuke talks to her, she's universal... WOAH. A bit too perfect, don't you think? It's ok to make her friendly, but be careul. I mean, you wn't have someone extremely depressed become hyper and social at some points <- does not work. Apparently, you're not supposed to do self-inserts, but who's going to know. So, maybe try basng their personality on your own, orone of your friends? Maybe she can be a bit of a gossiper, or like to stick her nose into other people's business? How about she is always trying to help, even if she's not asked for it? Or maybe the opposite; she won't help unless you're desperate, or maybe she'll want a favour in return and will taunt the other character for it later?}

Appearance

Aiko is often described to be quite beautiful, which is also indicated by her name and surname. Her surname was given to her by Kakashi, when she refused to join neither Hyuga or Uchiha clan after they were fighting for her. Se has two different eyes, one containing Sharingan, while the other has Byakugan. She is usually seen wearing a black knee-lenght kimono, tied with a red obi and normal, ankle-length ninja shoes. Many girls tend to get jealous over her not gaining weight, while she doesn't care what she eats. Ino often stalks her to see if she really doen't excercise or starve herself in order to maintain her looks.

{Ok, so not enough that she's hell powerful, she also super pretty and has a perfect body that girls are jealous off. Why does this seems surreal? Well, Tsunade was taunted for being flat-chested by Jiraya when she was a kid. Hinata seems slightly large in Shippuden. Sakura is still flat. Ino is a show-off with her belly XD. There we go. You can make her over-confident about her looks. Maybe make her self-concious about them? Maybe she doesn't brush her hair?! :D be creative! make something unusual up :) }

 

Abilities

Aiko is able to use Sharingan and Byakugan on extremely high levels. She graduated the academy at the age of 8 and became a Chunin at the age of 12.It is predicted that she will be Kage level or at least an Elite Jounin by the age of 16. Most of her skills are unknown to many, due to her being trained in privae and individuali by Kakashi and Gai. Gai mentioned at some point that she is close to Lee's level at Taijustu, and Kakashi's with Sharingan. She is still working on her Byakugan, thus is weaker than Neji.

{...

... that's just... Ugh. Come on! Better than Lee at Tai? Better at Sharingan than Kakashi? What on monkey is this? Yeah, bring on the ten-tailed beast <- may I mention that it's a mixture of all tailed beasts put together? But yeah, that's reserved already *SPOILER* by the magical Uchiha person. That's what Madara wants to do. *SPOILER END*

So, make it normal. Geeze... Maybe she can't do Taijustu because she's scarred? Or she uses a bow or something, so she can only do long-distance? THINK OF SOMETHING!}

 

Additional Points 

• Be careful with pairings... Mentioned already. Keep the OOC (out-of-character) to the minimum, unless you have a damned eureka idea for it :)
• Keep her at human level-no demons, random animals, split personalities etc...
• Neko? That's a no! Sure, it can be a neko if you wish... But I haven't seen any nekos in Naruto. So that's a bit strange and sniffy in my opinion. But ifyou have a good story with it... BRING IT ON! :D
• Different colours... Things like two+ coloured hair, so highlights. Or two differently coloured eyes. Or something as such... As soon as people see that, Mary-Sue-meter becomes yellow. So becareful with this :o
• Brothers/Sisters... Naruto's missing sister? O_o random much? The only Uchiha survivour except for Sasuke? o_O random much? Storyline makes it up <3
• NAMES: right, I have seen so many OCs with names of characters that already exist in the actual series it's becoming evil. Here is theFull List of Naruto Characters (Narutopedia) 

             ^_^ Happy OCing!