Talk:Naruko Uzumaki/@comment-30915470-20170101142542

So ... I want to add some more things to my criticism of your character, as I dont think I really gave you constructiv critism at all, even if this character wa  abandoned already.

- First of all, a female naruto is an interesting Idea. BUT your charackter just takes the original Naruto story and ats a Ushia as the mother. I would say, either make a separate Ushia charackter if you want to pair her with Sasuke ( a lot of sues are Ushia girls that are paired with Sasuke, its kind of the first signal for a lot of readers) or make an authentic female version of Naruto and forget abaout the Ushia nonsese.

You could also easily make a oc Namikaze thats not the Daughter of Minato, or an OC Usumaki who is not Kushinas Daughter.

- THE NAME!!!

DONT ever use names of canon charackter!Never ever! Also you should stay away from names of the charackters of popular mainstream Animes. So no Sangos, Rans, Aiˋs, Namiˋs. The Naruto charackters have usually some meaning that shows a trait of the person herself. (So e.g. Kurenai = lipstick, Kiba= Fang, Sakura=Cherrryblossoms that are pink). I also dont remember any names of female naruto charackter that end in -ko. I would suggest to look up some japanese baby names.

If you still go with a femNaruto then maybe use either the "Canon" name of Naruko or try other kombinations with Naru. E.g. Narue,Narumi, just Naru, Naruyo ect.

If you choce to go with a Ushia girl, choose a name thats resembels a trait of your charackter. BUT names like Hana, Yuki, Ame, Ai with any ending, Sora ect. are overdone. Maybe try to give her a name that has not been  done to often or not at all.

PARENTS:

A femNaruto hast Minato and Kushina as Parents! Dont change too much abaut the canon. I dont mean to say that you should just copy canon, coping is boring. But if you change to much of the world around your charackter then it just gets confusing. Just let femNaruto have a similar childhood as male Naruto.

The Ushia girl first of all need a reason to be alive. Your Idea wasnt that bad in this. Maybe the mother ran away from Konoha because the clan didnt allow her to marry the oc girls father. Dont have her magically survive the massacar.

Personality: You really need to think more abaut the charackters personality. FemNaruto should be similar to Naruto. I personaly like to read femNaruto. That is if it is femnaruto and not an Oc thats comlitly different to Naruto. I personaly would only read a fem Naruto if the the genetics get just switched. Which means a fem Naruto that looks like a Kushina copy but has a personality similar to Minato.

Looks: NO TWO COLORED HAIR! Ther are canon charackters that have two colored hair, BUT it just screeems mary sue. You dont need that. Also, genetics dont work that way. With red and blond in the parents the child would have a 50% chance at inhereting either blond or red. Not both!

Having her taken in by the hyuugas is a nice Idea, but unrealistic. I dont think the main family would allow somethinng like that. If you just need to have her adopted by someone then maybe choose a clan without a kekkeigenkei or maybe a single person without a clan.

If you want her to be close to Neji then maybe have her graduate in the same year as team guy. Make her friends with Tenten and have her meet Neji through her maybe. Or make her a rival in the academy. That are just examples.

I would even say to just replace TenTen would be fine too, but you should think abaout a reason for this.

RANK: DONT MAKE 11 YEAR OLD CHUNINS!!!

I suggest to not have her graduate the academy befor the age of 12. And dont make her a chuunin till she is at least 16 to 17. You could still make her the first to get to Jonin in her year. But a 11 year old chuunin is just to young. There should be something psychologicaly wrong with her if shes a 11 year old chuunin. If the charackter is crazy (e.g. Itachi, Gaara) then this could work, but i would just not do it. A charaackter that is a Jonin at like 18 to 20 is stil super strong, as I think even that would be very early to become a Jonin. Also: If she gets promoted that early, dont have her personality be to teen like. The wouldt give that rank to a half child that more interested in Love than in defending the village.

Its also way more interesting to have a charackter work their way up, and not just have them start out strong already.

IF YOU WANT HER TO BE STRONG IN ON THINK THEN CHOOSE ONLY ONE AND DONT HAVE HER BE GOOD IN ANYOTHER. E.g. Shes a Genjutsu genius, maybe also very intellegent. Then make her absolutly awfull at anything taijutsu or ninjutsu. Give her real disadvantages.

pairing her up with Sasuke is overdone, but can still work. Its just that there needs to be a lot of story change to give them a happy ending. Having your OC/Sasuke pair end simillar to how SASUSAKU canon ended up, is easier to do.