Talk:Issho Nekoyoroshi/@comment-5053045-20130826231455

Before I start, I am fully aware that your oc is a WIP (a work in progress), but I'd like to make some points before you finish the character completely in order to avoid going back and changing things and yadda-yadda-yadda...


 * Her name. It is definitely a unique name, and it is also tying into another point I am about to make. I love her given name, but her surname, "Nekoyoroshi", is very... I suppose you could say "unfitting" of the Narutoverse. If the word "Neko" is found in any Naruto character name, it is generally seen as a Mary-Sue or of having a thick Mary-Sue quality. The last thing I want is to see this oc getting flamed just over her name, so I'd look into that if I were you.


 * Personally, I would just keep the "Yoroshi" part of it.


 * Now, for the main point. I've yet to meet a person that can actually pull off the "oc-with-a-demon" trick well enough. And you my friend, I'm very sorry to say, are almost no different. A kitten is a very cute and creative twist you've given the trick. And I can see that you've tried to pull it off by limiting Issho's abilities when "Neko-Kira" comes out (Kekkei Genkai). The only thing I can think of to tell you about this sort of twist you've taken on the trick is that much of it is "clichéd" or Sueish. Perhaps both, if you look at it a certain way. To make her more like a cat "whenever Issho uses her Neko-Kira, both of her eyes turn blue, and her claws and fangs come out" might be reguarded as either too similar to the Inuzuka clan technique and it is also the clichéd part that I'm getting at. All in all, it is hard to explain, but demons+oc's= a no-go.


 * Her background. Because of her demon kitty, she was abandoned by her family out of accusation that she murdered her mother in cold blood and was then raised by Konohagakure's Hokage. I've read that her mother was really killed by her uncle (Kekkei Genkai) because of the wrath of this demon he had passed onto Issho. It does seem like a rather upsetting past. The only highlight is that the Hokage himself (or herself, I'm not entirely sure what time-period you've set your oc in) took Issho in her his/her own. Not only has this been done by several different oc's before, making it clichéd, but it does also seem a tiny bit OOC of the Hokage to do. The Hokage has to deal with the protection of the entire Leaf Village, as well as several other smaller duties as well. There really isn't much time for a child. Think back to Konohamaru. While he did miss his grandfather, the Third Hokage, there was a moment where the writers specifically pointed out that the Third has almost no time to spend with Konohamaru. It's hard to raise a child that way, and I don't even think the Third was actually raising Konohamaru himself. And let's not even get into the emotional scar it can leave on a child (Issho, basically) if the Hokage died... That would open the opportunity for Issho to get angry and, thus, release her demon onto the village or something. I don't find that to be a good mix.

Overall, she's a unique idea. I especially love her picture. Please remember, you don't really have to change anything according to what I've said, it's just a friendly critique. I apologize if any of this has offended you, and also I apologize for the large wall of text. ^^;