Talk:Kaito Tora/@comment-24132811-20131106125700

Hi, there! Thanks for sharing your new OC with us.

So, Kaito has a lot of things going for him. I like the incorporation of appropriate geopolitics into his background and that despite the Mary Sue qualifier of being noble-blah-blah, you made him unfit for succeeding his family due to very realistic reasons. Just a few things you might want to consider, based on what’s here so far:

Why was the Country of Beast elusive and how did those reasons shape Kaito’s perspectives and familial culture?

It’s difficult to accept that the rumor of a single spy would spark a civil war. You may want to consider including some kind of conflict, an incident that demonstrates there really was a leak, etc. Something bigger and harder to dismiss. Also, did the spy thing happen before or after Kaito’s birth? He’s quite young and generally, the tension necessary to incite war (outside of self-defense against immediate threat) takes more years than he would’ve been alive.

The “only known survivor” detail gives me pause. This is a classic Mary Sue trait. The only survivor of his clan or village is more reasonable and easier to accept, AND it gives you room to come up with new OCs, develop new plot points, etc.

To the best of my knowledge, Summons aren’t inherited. Their offspring might enter into contract, though, as we see with Naruto and the toads. Maybe his Summon could be the kitten of his father’s Summon. However, that means the Summon wouldn’t recognize him and train him. Even in Naruto’s case, Jiraiya had to facilitate between the Summon and Naruto. Kaito’s father isn’t around to do that. Perhaps you could tweak this to show how, through arduous self-training, he coincidentally summoned the kitten of his father’s Summon, and that they had a frictional getting-to-know-you period. It’d be a great side story!

Why did his hatred fade? His entire nation was slaughtered. Something like that would take a lifetime to get over. Maybe ongoing hatred would give plot points in your work as he wouldn’t get along with his Stone comrades, especially in light of his antisocial personality.