Talk:Tammy Sarutobi/@comment-5017717-20131019023443

UH-- Just a few things. DELETE AND IGNORE IF UNWANTED CRITIQUE

STILL READING? I'll try and sound as nice as possible which is pretty impossible when writing a critique: Just remember that I am TRYING to help you to improve your OC and make her less Sue-ish.

1) Name: I'm fairly informed that she isn't originally from the 'Naruto world' but, if it's an OC from Naruto. It should be Japanese. If she does get dragged in the world, may I suggest 'She changed her name into a Japanese name that she liked.'

2) I don't think her uh-- background is that nice. Having the whole 'parents are mean, hates her, tries to kill her and everybody that she loves' is a major sue trait. So maybe you can try changing that a little bit like ' (insert only one parent) hates her, but her (other parent/friend) tries to protect her as much as they can. (other parent/friend) helps her to escape the hands of (one parent) and her boyfriend

3) Getting dragged into the Naruto world. It's not that possible in the Canon universe, soo uhh-- I don't think that could work well. Maybe if she had started her life in the canon universe then it'd be alright?

4) Appearence: It's okay to use the "Green eyes that sparkle in the light, skin color---" in stories, it's perfectly wonderful *and I really liked the adjectives you used*, but please don't use them in descriptions of reference sheets or things like these. Use a slightly more common tone like, "She has green eyes the color of //leaves?// and her skin is slightly like the shade of //tsunade?//'s  skin color"

5) "She had large brown squirral ears on her head and a large bushy brown tail." ??? I'm sorry, but hybrids aren't supposed to exist in the CANON universe. Take example for Neko-baa. She loves cats, but she isn't. She just wears cat ears. The inuzuka clan are wonderful with dogs, but they aren mixed breeds. And it wouldn't make sense because in the real world (which is is dragged from) is also NOT supposed to have that.

And maybe you can try add more information to her soon? Just keep in mind that I am trying to help you okay?

DELETE / IGNORED IF NOT REQUIRED OR UNWANTED CRITQUE.

/Please forgive my spelling/