Talk:Sawaii Hitomi/@comment-7834624-20140328154148

Hey, Puchiha (referring directly to the girl who made this). Of course, you won't recognize me, but I've followed you for a long time and I'd like to leave a few words.

First of all, congratulations on the effort to straighten Sawaii out. I would be lying if I didn't say that there's still a lot of kinks in the story but I guess the progress you've made for her as an overall character is good. And if you don't mind, I'll be leaving a bit of constructive criticism here. I hope you take time to read them.

First, as someone who has personally been bullied, it's not that easy to brush it off like Sawaii does here. Bullying is a psychologically-targeted attack that preys on hidden insecurities and implanting new ones. Actually, it would be more believable if Sawaii does experience some strong negative emotions over such because bullying destroys people, but you can have her lean on others for support. It's basically one of the backbones of this series as well. Also, tread the realization she had with the bullying very carefully. Not many people who have been bullied are dawned upon with the fact that survivng it has helped them grow in some way. Trust me; it took me years before I realized something like that, and I was already a teenager for sakes.

However, it is good that you've made her emotionally receptive for when others are bullied, so I give you props for that.

This next one would be more of a nitpicking than anything. Since Crystal Release is classified as a kekkei genkai and is something inherited, "developed her own jutsu, the Crystal Release." should be rephrased because it has the implication that she somehow learned the skill instead of discovering that she is capable of it (which she should be as it is a kekkei genkai). Again, more of nitpicking but recommended to look into.

Next, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but using the hitai-ate as your ponytail holder isn't a good choice of fashion in terms of practicality or efficiency. Due to the wideness of the hitai-ate when tied (because of the metal plate), it will eventually slip off. Trust me, I've used cosplay versions of the hitai-ate to tie my hair and they slipped off even when I was just standing idly.

Also, I'd really, really suggest that you give her negative emotions and perceptions as well. Her near-constant state of happiness and optimism makes her very bland and generic, as if her personality was a cardboard cutout. I am pretty sure that, if she were a real person, she would not get along with everybody as there would be some people who are not very tolerable of her, and that she would have things that would make her strongly miserable or mad. While we all get the fact that Naruto himself is a near-constant optimist, his wide range of emotions give him humane characteristics and realistic dispositions that your character lacks at this point. Go crazy with her; kill someone she is close to, or give her background something twisted that will shock and upset her for some time and make her do irrational things. Give her a phobia (or phobias...). Make her fear losing something, and that fear will not be endearing but somewhat suffocating at times. Make her upset, make her truly angry and disgusted, make her feel like she wants to give up, make her paralyzingly afraid. It gives her character depth.

Oh, and don't ram all of those in during her childhood, okay? People grow and change over time; there are a lot of opportunities for her to experience positive and negative emotions.

Lastly, more of an overall criticism than anything, I'd strongly advice for you to give Sawaii something that makes her stand out. To be perfectly honest, Sawaii, even at this stage, sounds little more than a female version of Naruto, with Sakura's skills. Give her aspects that makes her own individuality, something that makes her remarkable as being her own. Work more with her Crystal Release than her Medical Ninjutsu because as far as I'm concerned, not only will it make her a more able fighter, but she will eventually diversify herself from being a Naruto-Sakura replica.

I guess that's it; admittedly, I'm a bit brain-dead the time I typed all of these in, but my opinions still stand. Again, kudos for developing your character.

Cheers~

Harley Creed