Thread:Miss Misfits/@comment-37511870-20190405162115/@comment-32296239-20190419224230

Hello there! Sorry for the late reply it's been a hard week for me.

I see you were able to fix her abilities very well and minimize her chakra natures. Overall it much better balanced but I’d like to suggest you to create something just for her, it could be an ice technique, a team attack or whatever you like. I say this because I still see not much originality in her fighting style, fells like she’s less overpowered but still lacking of a unique style. By the way her battle against her teammate went, you can sacrifice her “strategy skill” and replace it for something more useful, she not being a tactician, doesn’t mean she’s dumb. There’s a lot of type of intelligence: Naruto has streets smarts, which means his intelligence was gained outside of school, and it has served him well on the battlefield. I think it will be better for Kiyomi if you find out what’s her type of intelligence.

The way you described how Kiyomi saw Haku’s death is way more credible now that it was before and it doesn’t break the canon so I can call it a good work!

I like how you moved people who has nothing to do with Kiyomi from her story. To me, it makes much more sense to be her mother or sensei who trained her than Tenten, who had never been named in her story till she was necessary. The way Kiyomi lost on her match let you work more on her development as a kunoichi an as a person. Because of that match you can change whatever you think she had and was not suitable for a ninja.

I'm sorry but I do not have the time to help you with Kiyomi's personality. My best advice is always to start with the personality and then develop her story and relationships, but since she already has a story and relationships, I suggest to develop her personality based on how she acts so it makes sense. For example: 1) She could be described as a sensitive person since what had happened to his Haku affected her even though she was never close to him. 2) Because of the way she treated Sakura with the Sasuke’s problem, she seems like a person who irritates easily and acts accordingly. 3) I suggest her to have only female friends until she gets over her hate towards men before. She should be able to trust men before start a romantic relationship to avoid contradictions.

Develop a character is a lot of work but I really think you are walking the right path on this. I’ll check her from time to time and comment what I think but you had made a HUGE progress here and that only tells me how much you love your character. Keep on the good work 😊